Silly little thoughts
by incurser
Summary: basically amy thoughts tjat I want to share with you guys. Probably will be mostly thanking. just put it under Aliens/predator becauelse alI dint thinkntheres a way tondonthis otherwise
1. chapter 1

I find it strange that, out of something so terrible, giving away my dog, I found something amazing. A community where I could be myself and enjoy what I enjoy without hesitation, which is the weird and wonderful world of fabrication. The fact that, through me sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, I found a community that will accept me for who I am. If I even mentioned any of this to anyone bar my few friends in school, they'd probably poke fun at me for doing this. And trust me, it does happen. Now, I didn't start reading fanfiction solely because of that incident, in fact, I was reading it before too! But, what amazes me so much, is that from a terrible, terrible thing. I found something that let me heal. My mind wasnt exactly in a good place for those few months, and the fact that I had just moved to a place far far away from everyone I knew didn't help. What this boils down to is that I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you guys. You guys and gals saved me by giving me something to stride towards. And, I'm not just saying this either. Without the people who first found my content, and even the people who are finding it now, I could quite possibly still be in that dark place I was in. And you can't be in that place for too long before a certain thought makes home in your mind. Now, I know this isn't usually the case, but I believe that there's still a fair chance if this happening. So, what this boils down to is me evaluating where it is I came from before starting this and where I am now. And since it's pretty late, or early, depending on your point of view, I will keep the next bit fairly short. Thank you all so so much for helping me heal. And to hopefully continue to heal, as I know I'm not the whole way there yet. Bye.


	2. Late Night Thoughts

Ya know what the thing I dislike the most about writing is? It's the way I can do clearly write about things I miss. The way it sometimes makes me realise the dead silence of my room at night. Before I continue, you'll need to know that I was very, very attached to my dog, in case you didn't know. And, at night, she'd come into the room and lay up against me and I'd snuggle up to her. It's childish, I know, but the thing I always notice is, well, the nothingness. And since I do a lot of story thinking when I go to bed, it can sometimes bring up sad memories that make things like these stick out like a sore thumb. And even things that I've never experienced, like a gentle, warm breath on the back of my neck, or the arms of a significant other wrapped around me as I sleep. What I'm trying to say is that I want... need these things. And it makes me sad that I can't feel them.

I have absolutely no idea why I'm writing this.


	3. I don't know what to call this

I should probably fix the summary for this. But it's quite amusing to see how bad I am at writing when I'm tired...


	4. why?

Two things;

1: Why can't I cry? The only time I try is if I rub my eyes. I didn't cry when I lost my dog, I didn't cry when I ever had that shit feeling those nights. I barely cried when my step dad split up with my mum and left. That was at least two years ago. What happened that made it so difficult for me to cry? I would always be on the brink of tears but yet, never did.

2: Why is it that I feel better talking with people I never even knew existed before I started writing than I do with my own family? Why is it that It helped me so much more to tell my story to an untold number of people I'm never gonna see?


	5. Anither silly late night thought

It's been a little while since I wrote one of these. Probably because I've either been quite busy or stayed up too late to think about these things. That, and, as the people on DA saw, I finished watching something that kinda, vaguely, hit home with me a little bit, I think.

Something that I've come to realise is that when I lost my dear of the dark, I gained something worse. In the dark, I would imagine things that would be quite scary to me. At least, they were at the time. But, once I came over that fear, I was met with a deafening silence that leaves you with your thoughts and your thoughts only. No matter what they are. Now, that wasn't a problem for me. Until I started to blame myself. When I would ask myself, "Why why why the fuck did it have to happen to me? Why did I decide to bring her the lazy way that probably wasn't any shorter than going down and up the hill?" When I started to stare at the ceiling, even during the day. But only when it was dead silent. I would hold my deodorant bottle on my hand because it was cold and hard and contemplate throwing it at my mirror just to direct my sadness and my hate at something other than myself. When, lurking in the back of my mind, the thoughts of getting a knife and running it across my wrists would sit and call to me like Sirens. In truth, I'm absolutely terrified of silence now. Because every time any kind of noise is absent, the thoughts in my head would scream and roar at me for doing something so stupid and lazy. I wasn't even watching what she was doing, even though I knew she could be a danger to the next person she would come across. I don't know what to think. And sometimes I wonder how the energy I found again, the will to do something, to live! Ever found its' way back to me. I don't even know how to end this, and I don't want to end this because as soon as I do I'll be left here on my own with only my thoughts who will ravage my mind until it finally quiets and I can sleep. I'm terrified of silence but I can't sleep without it. I need it to properly function but it doesn't need me to exist. I rely on something that will sometimes cause me pain because I have no other choice.

The worst part is that I know when it'll come. The exact moment after I stop thinking of the one thing that actually got me through this to where I am now, it'll be here. That thing is you, my stories. The thing that I created to keep away the silence simply because it was the only thing that I had the energy or will to do.

I don't want this to end but I have to end it so I can sleep. So. Bye, for now, I guess.


	6. Well

So. You're might be windering where I've been. Ti be hinest, Ive just been busy. Between school and simply other things, I javent had the time to write! And thats simething I intend ti fix. Ive been off sonce saturday and Ive dine fuck all. So, today and tomorrow, I'm devoting a lot of time to my writing. See ya later!

just as a last note. I want to say thank you. This is an amazing community, this one and Deviantart. And I wouldnt be here without you! A very special thanks to :iconTanMcraw: ir otgerwise kniwn as Dylan. And :IconAnanya-Talvi, or, as I day, simply Ananya. I hooe Ive dint this right. But seriously, you twi have been especially awesome and I definitely wouldnt be here without you *Big hug* Or any of you for that matter. Si, once again, thatnk you, with all my heart. Bye.


	7. Please read this

I think that it's that you understand what people are or have gone through. Without it, you never know how they'll react to so.ething or if they're gonna do something crazy! I'm not gonna lie, I've been on a few rollercoasters in my life. A lot of them, not very nice. And I think it's time that you knew how my life has gone. I want people, my friends mainly, to know how my story has gone. Yes, you've read my stories and learnt about me through that but even still, there are things you mightn't know. And so, here it is. Me from then 'til now.

Well, my mum and dad split up when I was four, I didn't really know him that well so it wasn't that bad. Next, was one of my pets, they were rehomed after we sent her to my aunts house bc she was too loud. After that, our old cat had to be put down. It was the first time I can remember crying to a loss. Then, my mothers' partner and her split up, it was fuckig shit. The second time I cried to a loss. Next one, and the most recent, was my dog, Beauty, excuse the name, I was walking her when she half bit the postman so we had to give her away. And it sent me into an episode of depression which lasted through the rest of my summer. And combine that with moving to a place quite far away from everyone you know. Well, you get the idea.

And there you have it. My story of all the ahit things that have happened to me that I can remember. I hope that you take the time to read this.

I know I havent been that active on here. And Im sorry. Between school, my mood and just a probably addiction to my laptop, I just havent been doing anything. Im really sorry. And I know that I say that a lot. See ya.


	8. The deep

And here you are again, my unwanted companion. Back from your absence.

You. Dark. Deep. Never sleeping. Never hungering. Never gone for too long.

Consuming me, boring a hole in my chest, a deep, dark absence. Always there but barely, Noticed. Never hungering, but always feasting on my body. Making the bottomless pit in my,

Torso deeper and deeper. Or wider and wider. Or both.

Never sleeping, yet dormant. Waiting in between meals for the darkness to dissipate for fear of,

Overeating and tearing me apart before returning to bore through my body again.

And sometimes, crawling up my throat, attempting to seed yourself in my mind even deeper,

Than now.

Hello, my unwanted companion, so long, it has been. Come back again to feast. Never tiring, Never hungering.

Just feasting.

Feasting.


	9. please listen

I'm going to be truthful here. The past few days have been tough. More than usual. And I don't know what's gonna happen. That includes the Christmas oneshot I have planned. I don't know what else to say because it gets complicated from here on...

I guess I'll leave it here.

See ya


	10. Hey!

I have made a story that isn't fanfiction. I have also made a fictionpress account too! Check it out!

It's under the same name :D


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